The Day She Walked In

  

waiting for our guide to go meet Abbi

WOW! So what a day! Of course it was an ear morning again with little sleep. I was pretty nervous as I tried to make myself lie in bed and go back to sleep so eventually I gave up and got ready. Once I was up my nerves calmed down a lot! It was replaced with adrenaline and excitement! I called my hubby so we could pray over our day! We made our way to breakfast and then downstairs. Walking around that whole morning I saw the faces of everyone looking like it was just another day! Of course for them it was not I wanted to shout TODAY IS THE DAY PEOPLE!!!

waiting in line at the bank

getting tickets 

changing money in bank

It is time to celebrate! Of course no one did! LOL We had to leave early because we needed to change our American money to Chinese RMB so we could get Abbi's ransomed ready. (Seriously, the words of the the guide as she rolled her eyes at them, "they need you to pay before they will bring your daughter in"...seriously people, they wanted heir "donation" first! All I could do was laugh!) We made our way to the bank which was a fun experience! You stand in line where they hand you tickets for the order in which you will be seen once they let you inside. Our guide had a blast teasing everyone else that she got number 1!!!!! She is a riot!!!!! You would think because we have a ticket which establishes what order you will get to go in that they would file in calmly and get in line once the doors open...NOPE! True to Chinese culture EVERY MAN IN AT ONCE!!!! Brought me back to my college days! Once we were in our cubby changing money a man can in and lingered behind us. If I hadn;t gone through this before I would have been crazy nervous being that we had a LOT of highly sought after American dollars and would have a lot of RMB, but he pulled out his calculator and began to talk to us in Mandarin. He was trying to get us to exchange our money with him at a better rate. Last time Josh, being Josh went for it! The bank will even help him do it right there!! But my sister had already started and I really just wanted to get out of there and get Abbi! Money was the last thing on my mind!

signing adoption papers

Once we were done we headed over to the civil affairs office where we would meet Abbi, I walked in super nervous not knowing what
order things would be done. With Isac we started filling out paper work then they brought him in, with Nina they brought her in and then we filled out paper work. But with Abbi, we filled out the paper work and then they brought her in. At first I was getting super nervous because they asked for Josh;s passport which we hadn't brought, we only brought a copy. But eventually they accepted that. Then they asked for a picture of him. Which I had thought the passport photo would be enough so we did not bring another one! I was sure I did not have one but I thought I have to at least look just in case! After looking inside I found Josh;s passport photos from last year tucked behind my extra ones I had brought from last year! I don;t know if Josh put them in knowing I needed them, or if I accidentally brought them when I grabbed mine, BUT GOD TOOK CARE OF THE DETAILS!
After all of that was done they brought in Abbi!

in walks Abbi

Right into my arms

saying good bye to her nanny

Off to start an adventure 

She came in with a smile on her face and as soon as I got down she came to me with open arms! Now I would like to say it is because they prepared her for us, and that may be, but Abbi honestly hugged the bell boy and sat on his lap already so I am pretty sure that is not the case! But she is VERY happy girl!She is also a very BUSY GIRL! in between paper work and feeding the child who acted like she had never eaten before, I was chasing her EVERYWHERE!!! She is seriously curious and LOVED being chased! Her nanny had tears in her eyes as she told me she was her favorite of all the kids! She said she was happy and so smart! (Both are very true!) They gave me a month supply of Abbi's medicine which I am SO grateful for! I can not WAIT to get this girl home! I am very sure she does not need all of this! But we are not going to change it now with out her doctor giving us the green light, seizure meds are too touchy for that!

Afterwards we made our way to the store where Abbi wanted every food she saw! Check out was fun as she saw the food and could not get her hands on it! I thought she was going to wrestle me to the ground! Her favorite snack...it is called Lonely God... :(, nice.
Later back at the room my sister in law and Emma went to get lunch while I played with Abbi. Medically, Abbi can not seem to hear ANYTHING. It seems she can hear if I bang hard on the table but she can not tell where it is coming from. And she is SO unstable! She walks like a a baby just learning to walk! If she is just standing still she does a lot of swaying and walking is a very unstable event. She does bed one of her legs a little but for the most part she seems to throw it out sideways to walk, (imagine someone walking with a prosthetic) which is why I think she is so unstable, She uses one hand all the time and the other she only uses to hold things that are small. But man watching her compensate for it is AMAZING! She will put things under her chin that she can not use her other hand for! I am pretty sure I may have seen a seizure or two but they were staring seizures if they were seizures at all, which are hard to gauge in children who have gone through all that Abbi is going through. Often times children which space out like that to kind of shut the world out for a little while so it it is hard to know which it could be. But the other seizure they are talking about, I have not seen yet.

Meeting daddy and big sisters!

Abbi is a fascinating child! She is reaching for everything she can find. She will either bring it to you with a smile, or she will pull it back with a smile and run hoping you will chase her! Her favorite game, running and waiting for you to chase her down and pick her up and swing her! The laughs you get when you do that are AMAZING!!!! Her second or maybe first,EAT!!! I have NEVER seen a child eat the way she does! Not even Nina who can eat a ton! We got to Skype with her sisters and daddy (the middle of the night for them) and they got to witness her eating! And when she blows kisses it is SO SO SO CUTE! She also loves to throw, hit and pull hair! All things that do not shock me coming from an orphanage. At one point she grabbed something off of the counter, threw it back on, then crossed her arms cocked her hips and shook her head with her little lips pursed! This girl is a teenager already! LOL!!!
After going to dinner I gave her a bath in the shower in a baby bath that our guide brought for us and she LOVED IT! She did not want any toys in there with her but she loved the water falling on her head! (Most small kids hate that!) After lotion-ing her up, holding her down with my legs to get a diaper on because girl does NOT sit still, I made her a bottle and laid in bed with her! You can tell this girl was a favorite! She made a lot of eye contact and let me feed her the bottle! She was pretty wired but finally laid down with the bottle and fell asleep in my arms! I moved her to the pack n play where she opened her eyes, looked into mine and smiled then fell asleep! It is 6am and she is still sleeping! She slept through the night!!! She has so far made her way to my lap, reached for me to hold her and let me feed her and made a lot of eye contact! ALL VERY good signs of furture attachment!
Tonight when exhaustion set in and adrenaline tanked, my heart missed  Josh so much! I hate that he missed meeting his daughter when I did and I KNOW how in love he will be with her! I know it is hard for him to watch from the other side of the world! I haven't slept through an entire night since I have gotten here and running after Abbi could be an Olympic sport! I am tired!!! My sister in law is AMAZING and is helping me so much, but respecting our wished to let me do everything for Abbi right now so she can k now I am her soul provider. With that and little energy, my body is tired!
We are incredibly blessed to have been chosen to be Abbi's parents! I am head over heels for this girl and I CAN NOT WAIT to get her home!
We have a few more appointment this morning as we officially make her a Noll!!!!
Pray for me to sleep better and have more energy and perseverance! I want to cherish this time in China in my daughters home country and not wish it all away! Pray for Emma as she is for sure having times of being home sickness! Pray for my sister in law as I know her sweet spirit is giving it all she has to sit back and not love all over Abbi! (Did I mention what a rock star she is?!?!?!?! And pray for Abbi! There has not been any grieving or any huge surprises yet, but that does not mean there wont be and I pray she lets us love on her!

Good night sweet girl!!!

Thank you all for your comments, your prayers and your support!!!!
Thank you to our church who has prayed us through this journey, supported us financially and through prayers, set up a meal train before we ever even left for China and for the people who are so excited about Abbi that they want to be her buddy at church! (By the way who ever that ends up being I hope you buy some really good running shoes and do not plan on dressing up for church any more!!! haha)

My First Few Days in China

Day one-
A very early start to get to the airport! VERY early! My sister in law and Emma and I got to  the airport in plenty of time with Josh. I was such a mix of emotions, Nervous because I was doing this without him, not nervous because I wasn't 100% alone and my sister in law has this uncanny sense of calm which helps carry over lol. Excited to have Abbi and have this part of our journey DONE, but nervous because who knows what is on the other side of this adventure.  But I am blessed to know a God who knows what is on the other side of this adventure, no matter what is waiting for me, He is there and walking beside me through each and every moment! We got through security and to Texas with no drama. Emma was so fun to watch on the plane though. Her eyes got wide and her poor legs were shaking but it didn't take her long at all to get used to it! And she said it was better than a roller-coaster...which she doesn't like by the way! haha
Our trip over to China was pretty uneventful as well. Longer than I remember, but then isn't every labor we experience! I remember feeling so so out place our first adoption on the flight. We are obviously not a majority on a plane going to China, and yet, that overwhelming feeling of being one out of a hundred wasn't there. I felt like I was right where I was suppose to be! Even stepping off the plane and going into the airport, again, a sense of normal. Maybe it was God gaving me the peace I needed (your prayers are felt!), maybe it was the fact that I have been here before, but I think so much of it is the journey that God has walked us through before this adoption being in the hospital with Nina on my own so many times. God has taught me so much lately to how to walk close to Him, to let go of the hands that I have tried so hard to cling to for dependence and trust that He is there! Always, and everywhere!!!
We get to the hotel and the sights and sounds come rushing back! I was able to talk to the hotel desk to get the rooms I was hoping to get before we left but the lady on the phone was getting us no where! I know silly but I just have a hard time talking to people about things like this, but I did that! God gave me that strength to be brave. This room gets us food all day long! We do have to pay a little extra for it, but it means not trying to venture out too much with Abbi and staying in more because she might need it. Our sweet guide in Shanghai is AMAZING!!! I have had good guides and I have had bad guides and they can make a good trip miserable! I got so blessed with an amazing one!!!! Thank you Lord!

Welcome to Shanghai!

Day 2
Well sleep was horrible, but we made it work :). We just chilled in our room a lot in the morning an then made our way to the pool for a little bit. MY stomach hasn't been loving the change and lack of sleep so I haven't been eating a ton, but the food has been SO YUM! If your a China adoption mom you know what I am talking about, there is NOTHING like the buffets at these hotels!!!! Noodles for breakfast lunch and dinner? YES PLEASE!!!!
A woman I met online helps with a foster home here in Shanghai. I met her because she used to work with one in Yulin where Nina was so she had met Nina before we did and just loved her! Who wouldn't ;)?!?!?!!!! I wanted so badly to meet her and go to dinner but that meant getting out of my comfort zone and getting a taxi and navigating a HUGE city I have never been to and could only speak very VERY little of their language! So much of me wanted to be brave but so much of me wanted to stay in safe! My sister in law,  in her true calm "you only live once", personality, encouraged me that I may regret it if I didn't go but probably wouldn't regret it if we did. Which convinced me to go for it! So with a knotted stomach we stepped out into the huge cement city and got to Shining Star Foster Home. There was a group of college aged French kids hanging out and playing with the kids so it was fun to get to hang with them a little bit. The kids there were so so sweet! It broke my heart to see so many of them and know they were in such a loving healing place until they were adopted but were under the constant threat of being sent back to the orphanage. Many of them had vision issues of some kind, Two of the little boys had heart defects. One in which is so bad he will need a heart transplant. The foster mom has been working hard to get his paper work done to be adopted but because of his heart the orphanage says it isn't worth the time or money to complete it because he wont make it and no one would come for him in time to make it worth their time. This sweet boy has SO much life! He was EVERYWHERE! Just like any sweet two year old boy, he did not let anything hold him back! Emma fell in love with these two sweet boys!  It broke my heart to hear one of the boys say to the foster mom, "no one would come for me, right?" She says, "what would make you say such a thing?" He told her the police officer told him there is no one out there for him who would want him." BREAK MY HEART INTO A MILLION PIECES!!!! This boy did have limited sight but that did not hold him back from anything. His English was as clear as day, he got everywhere he needed to go and did everything any boy his age would do! And such a sweet heart!!! She in turn held back tears and said, do not listen to him, there are PLENTY of people out there who would want you!" To which he smiled big and ran to play.  He said all of it as if he truly believed it and as if he was just having another conversation! For this boy it is his reality what he has been told many times, may actually be his reality. HOPE means EVERYTHING to these kids! It gives them meaning, it gives them a better chance of tomorrow and it gives them life!
We had an interesting time trying to get back to our hotel. We went to dinner with our friend and when we parted ways she sent us off in a taxi all hopeful the taxi driver knew where we were going after she called our hotel and the hotel gave the cab driver directions. We got to the area that looked familiar but when we pulled up it was not our hotel. We told him in our best NON Mandarin this isn't it. He asked for our phone and I gave it to him. (We think he thought it was the phone he was talking on before and he could just call the hotel back but he kept calling my husband which of course wasn't going through. (Boy that would have been great if it had though!) So my sister in law was going to get out to go talk to the hotel desk to get someone to talk to him and give him directions but he was like no no and started driving! We looked at each other and shrugged our shoulders...what else could we do! LOL  By the grace of God our hotel was just a few buildings down and we got out safly! And the driver had a very good laugh!
What is even crazier is that in driving over to the foster home, we were about 20 minute walking distance from my Abbi's orphanage! Knowing in that dark night my sweet girl was sleeping alone and I could do nothing to comfort her was breaking my heart!
It was a late night but it was a truly great experience! I would not have traded that part of my life for anything!

Through my adoption with Isac and Nina I had a song that ran through my head often. It was a song that grounded me when I started feeling panic settle in. This adoption has been no different. God brought the song In Over My Head (Crash Over Me) by Bethel.

I have come to this place in my life 
I’m full but I’ve not satisfied 
This longing to have more of You
I can feel it my heart is convinced
I’m thirsty my soul can’t be quenched 
You already know this but still
Come and do whatever You want to

Words that truly always keep me wanting to fight for more than myself. Josh and I could asily raise Christian children and feel satisfied that we were doing what the Lord has called us to do, but we wanted to glorify Him more! We wanted more of what He wanted, and He answered with the words SEE MY CHILDREN!

I’m standing knee deep but I’m out where never been
I feel You coming and I hear Your voice on the wind 

Would you come and tear down the boxes that I have tried to put You in
Let love come teach me who You are again
Take me back to the place where my heart was only about You
And all I wanted was just to be with You
Come and do whatever You want to

This whole journey has been tough, but I did not think I would ever calmly get on the plane and leave my family half way across the ocean and journey out of my safe zone of the hotel, with out much kicking or screaming, or not even at all! But He called me out,  softly, calmly and peacefully said daughter just go...I am here I am already there and I will catch you when you fall.  Like a child learning to walk and taking the chance at taking that first step to their moms open arms!

Further and further my heart moves away from the shore
Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours
Further and further my heart moves away from the shore
Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours
Knowing who my God is, knowing what my God has done for me before and what He promises to do in me here and after, I move forward because no matter what, He will always catch me!
Then You crash over me and I’ve lost control but I’m free
I’m going under, I’m in over my head 
And You crash over me, I’m where You want me to be
I’m going under, I’m in over my head
Whether I sink, whether I swim 
It makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head
Whether I sink, whether I swim
It makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head
I’m Beautifully in over my head
I’m Beautifully in over my head

Nothing about what I am doing makes since in my own head. It is truly not something I EVER wanted to do (journeying all the way over here on my own!), I am completely and utterly overwhelmed that I am where I am! But because I am walking with Him it is and will always be beautiful! No matter if Abbi hates me, no matter if we get lost a thousand times and hit more road bumps moving forward, THIS is His perfect and beautiful plan!  Will it be easy? Will it look like what I hope it will look like? Will it be the plan I want to envision out of my human flesh...maybe...but maybe not. But He is already in that beautiful plan. Putting our lives together like a puzzle that makes no sense if your only looking at the one piece, but together makes a glorious design!

*We did get pictures of and with the kids but out of respect for the foster home we aren't going to post them until they give me the okay! :)

Day 3
This morning I was up early again. Not happy about that but all well, I can sleep at some point in life right! Today we did a little sight seeing with our great and sweet guide SuLinn. Who by the way is one of six children! It was before the one child policy was enforced. But she said to me that she thought I had such a beautiful and amazing family. It made my heart so happy because it was so genuine and so not in a "your such an amazing person because of what you are doing", but because you value your children. Did I  mention I LOVE her! We went to Yu Garden which is full of pagodas (tired towers used for traditions back in the ancient days) and toured the busy busy streets of Shanghai. had the chance to buy about a million fake watches and purses! VERY crazy to have people following you trying to talk to you about buying things when you have already said no about a million times in the nicest possible way!
Anyway afterwards we went to the aquarium. For the most part it was nice but there was one point where I felt like I was having a panic attack! We were in one of those tubes on a moving floor going sooooooooooooo slooooow! At first it was not too bad, there were a  LOT of people but people were standing and going with the slow pace looking at the fish, but as soon as it got to the sharks people all started crowding forward! I love Chinese people but there is no such thing as personal space! That mixed with the memory of the scene in Jaws where the glass breaks on the shark tank and the people start going nuts, came rushing back! I am a follow -the- crowd -do -not -break- the -rules kind of person and I stood it for as long as I could but I was starting to panic and there was not an end in site. I stepped off the moving sidewalk, I grabbed Emma's hand looked at my sister in law and started pusing my way forward. Thankfully we finally made our way out and I could breathe again! Totally never saw myself ever feeling like that, but man THERE WAS A LOT OF PEOPLE IN THERE!!!! I think the fact that I am completely exhausted does not help either.  Afterwards we went back to our room and just rested our bodies and mind.

Getting ready to celebrate Dragon Boat Festival!

HOLY SMOKES BATMAN!! TOO MANY PEOPLE IN ONE SMALL SPOT!

The woman in the white shirt with a ponytail who did not take no for no! Apparently my sister in law thought it was funny how far she followed us!

Asking the man with the really big gun for directions!!!!!

Tomorrow is the BIG day! The day my Abbi's life changes forever! I wonder if they have told her tomorrow she will be leaving all she knows. I wonder if they have prepared her for this day at all. I wonder if even as I write this her sweet mind ever wonders when her turn is coming.
Dear Abbi-
I wish I knew now how to help you. I wish I knew what would make your heart less scared and make your transition that much easier. I wish there was another way then ripping you from all you have ever known to give you a future and a family! My heart aches for all that you will lose and all the fear that is coming up ahead for you ! Know my heart breaks with yours but even more the Heavenly Father sees you where you are. His heart breaks that this world is fallen and that your healing has to begin with more pain. I hope one day you see His love for you and that He sees you and wants such big things for you!!! Dear sweet baby girl I pray we can help you see that! You are loved, you are special YOU ARE HIS!!! I pray you can find comfort in our arms and learn to know how much we love you! I know this journey will not be easy for any of us. The beginning of healing sometimes is the hardest place to be, but such beauty always comes from it! We love you! And can not wait to be your mommy and daddy!

Tomorrow night while you are all sleeping an orphan will become a daughter!

I have had good and bad internet connection on my computer so I  may or may not be able to blog our big day tomorrow right away...but stay tuned!!

The Beginning Of Forever

In just a few days we will be boarding the plane to go half way around the world to bust our daughter out of what has been her reality for four years! To say I am a mixed bag of emotions would be an understatement! Of course there is always the under lay of nerves to get on a plane and sit for hours, I would not say I  have a fear of flying, but things go wrong and yada yada. My biggest fear is actually getting lost as I have the WORST since of direction known to man! Seriously, I have lived in my town since I was about 7 or 8 and can still get lost! I KNOW, I TOLD YOU!!!
But I am also nervous for Abbi. As much as my heart knows all the love and attention she will receive once she is in my arms...she does not. I am a stranger. I do not look, smell, sound or even talk, like the only people she has known for her short sweet life. I will take her from the friends she fought life's battles with. I will take her past the walls that she called home and held any memory she ever had. Her sweet life will be completely turned upside down!
But that is what our God does to our lives isn't? When we say yes...our lives change upside down. And just like for Abbi, though it may be terrifying in the dark, when the sun comes up in the morning, it all starts to make sense! Our new normal starts to make sense! And it is beautiful! Not easy, but beautiful! Just like when an artist is painting a beautiful canvas, at first you can not even begin to imagine where they are going with it. But slowly over time you are blown away with the details! With the lines and the shapes, the strokes and the attention put into every step taken, to create the Grand Design! He is in it all! And Praise God for that! For there are so many times when I want to take that paint brush and design it how I deem fit, but when He orchestrates it, it is so much more grand! Because let's face it, when an artist paints a canvas, he knows what His end result is going to be! Why would I try and take the paint brush from his hand and try to paint it for him?! That just wouldn't make since! So daily we need to make the choice to hand over the paint brush to the GREAT DESIGNER and let HIM deign our canvas!
So please pray for safety pray for our sweet Abbi's heart, but also pray that daily you can release the paint brush to the grand artist so He can create a beautiful masterpiece in your life! What is He asking you to release so that your life is not just good but beautiful!
I leave you with this...Come Alive friends! God has something amazing for us if we will just Rise!?

Come Alive (Dry Bones)

And just like He promises...He will provide! We have all we need to bring Abbi home!!

In the meantime check out these cuties who so need mamas of their own!!!

Jacob


"Ramona"

Please ask me how you can help them find forever!!!

The Big Deal!!!!!!!!! Wrapping up Our Fundraising!

Okay folks! Like I said we are wrapping up our fundraising efforts for Abbi, with two last BIG fundraisers!!!!!!

Our first BIG DEAL is a raffle to win an American Girl Bitty baby! This baby has dark brown hair, brown almond shaped eyes and fair skin. The Bitty Baby retails for $60 and was given to us to help bring home Abbi, from a dear friend who got to meet Abbi while she was bringing home her own sweet girl from Abbi's orphanage!

Each ticket will be $5!!!! For every $5 you donate, your chances to win this sweet baby doll increase! If your girl has been wanting an American Girl doll here is a great chance to get one for much cheaper and help us bring home Abbi!!!!




GO HERE TO DONATE

Raffle starts MAY 27th and ends June 2nd!!!

All right folks! Let the fun begin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JUNE is prayerfully Abbi month!!!!!!!!!!! EEKKKK!!!! So in honor of our gotcha day drawing closer...I leave you with this video...the reason we do what we do to bring these kids home! :) ENJOY!



PS...We do still have some of our shirts left over for sale... $20 plus $5 shipping (use paypal button above! Sorry all out of adult Medium, but feel free to inquire about what is left over!)

And my daughter Emma is still selling her Rainbow Loom bracelets to help her fund her trip to go meet and help with Abbi!!! Each bracelet is $5! Use paypal button above, make sure to let me know if the money is for a raffle ticket or for a bracelet!  GO HERE for designs >>  His Grand Design

ENJOY <3