I have to say watching the hours and minutes pass by Friday night was AGONIZING to say the least. I kept telling myself, do not let it bother you, it could happen Monday and it wont make a big difference if it does, but my heart was sinking fast. And as I sat on the couch that night with my husband watching silly movies with the kids, and i had to tell one more person that there was no news, the flood gates took over...I was heart broken. I was just so tired of hoping and waiting, I wanted to GO. Finally I took a few breaths and tried to let myself enjoy the moments I had with my family of 6 at home. Then my phone made an odd ring. A ring tone I had set up to sound weird so it was a sound that I would only hear if my social worker was calling me with news or information and again I was fighting back the flood gates. I almost couldn't answer it because I knew I'd sound crazy crying before I even really knew what she was calling for. Josh just looked at me asking me who it was and I could barely get out that it was Kelsey. I rushed to the room so I could talk (you know Murphy's law for mom on the phone=must ask her every question I have ever had since birth).
Kelsey and I went on to say a few words and I wanted the whole time to stop being polite and say PLEASE TELL ME YOU CALLED WITH TA?! But I didn't...but she got to the part where she said well it came in! And I lost it! Still trying to keep my cool, answer the kids and Josh, and have a calm grown up conversation while dancing with joy and excitement inside!
My heart hasn't stopped beating fast since! When I announced to my Facebook world tons of our friends and family joined in with celebration, love and encouragement. And you all will never truly know just how much that touched our hearts to see!!! REALLY TRULY TOUCHED!
My mind has been on Nina a lot. Wondering if I am ready to take on her special need. I have never been much of a fighter, and honestly having 4 healthy kids, I don't think I have really had to. But Nina will probably need that at times. Someone who knows her and knows what she needs and will fight to make sure she gets what she needs. Am I really the one God created to be her mom? And wouldn't you know in church Sunday something my Pastor said, "what I believe defines my self worth". And what I believe is God created me to be the woman who follows his calling, I believe God has called me to step up and fight for Nina and Isac. So He has made me to be the mom they need. After church I was talking to Pastor and he was asking me about our adoption and I was telling him how nervous I was about being ready to handle her special need and be all she needs me to be. His words brought tears to my eyes as he said, what really matters is that God trust us to call us to be their parents. So mind blowing that God trusts us with His precious children.
The love that we have gotten from our church family this morning was amazing! We never got two feet before someone gave us a hug and was rejoicing with us! I just can't wait till Nina and Isac one day realized just how loved they are!
Prayer request:Getting things together, keep praying for our sweet children's hearts as they are leaving so much. And pray for our own children's heart as they are about to have two new siblings at home.
Have a great week! LOVE YOU ALL