Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

James 1:27

He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which He has freely given us in the One He loves.

Ephesians 1:5-6

Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows.

Isaiah 1:17

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

The Big Deal!!!!!!!!! Wrapping up Our Fundraising!

Okay folks! Like I said we are wrapping up our fundraising efforts for Abbi, with two last BIG fundraisers!!!!!!

Our first BIG DEAL is a raffle to win an American Girl Bitty baby! This baby has dark brown hair, brown almond shaped eyes and fair skin. The Bitty Baby retails for $60 and was given to us to help bring home Abbi, from a dear friend who got to meet Abbi while she was bringing home her own sweet girl from Abbi's orphanage!

Each ticket will be $5!!!! For every $5 you donate, your chances to win this sweet baby doll increase! If your girl has been wanting an American Girl doll here is a great chance to get one for much cheaper and help us bring home Abbi!!!!


Raffle starts MAY 27th and ends June 2nd!!!

All right folks! Let the fun begin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JUNE is prayerfully Abbi month!!!!!!!!!!! EEKKKK!!!! So in honor of our gotcha day drawing closer...I leave you with this video...the reason we do what we do to bring these kids home! :) ENJOY!

PS...We do still have some of our shirts left over for sale... $20 plus $5 shipping (use paypal button above! Sorry all out of adult Medium, but feel free to inquire about what is left over!)

And my daughter Emma is still selling her Rainbow Loom bracelets to help her fund her trip to go meet and help with Abbi!!! Each bracelet is $5! Use paypal button above, make sure to let me know if the money is for a raffle ticket or for a bracelet!  GO HERE for designs >>  His Grand Design


Friday, May 22, 2015

Update, Updates and Even More Updates!

Hi there! For those of you who have not heard the latest on our current adoption or our Miss we go!

Nina getting ready to go into school!
As for Nina, she just had three appointments last Tuesday. Dermatologist was uneventful, if you do not know much about TSC small bumps frequently show up on the face and they prescribe a cream to help take them away. They say with TS generally they do come back, this just helps to keep them away. Her Neurologist was a slight success as we were pumped that we managed to keep her BP down with just a no salt diet as oppose to giving her the BP medicine they prescribed, but they found traces of blood in her urine which could be from the medicine she is on for her seizures, which could be effecting her liver, or could be a fluke...who knows. On to her neurologist...well...that was a harder appointment. They said basically Nina just has a lot of seizures all over. Their hope post surgery, what they see in a majority of their TSC kids, is that the seizures are much more controlled. As she explained it, "we shut down the one seizure, and the other spots are stepping up to take the crown". The last big seizure she has was caused by a tumor on her right frontal lobe, behind the one they removed, unfortunately that one can not be touched to do the fact that it is in her motor cortex. So if medicine never shuts it down, we could see those kinds of seizures again. She says her and her associates stare at Nina's scans for hours just baffled at the out come post surgery. In her words, "one of the toughest TS cases we have!" So right now the good news is no surgery for awhile and no five day VEEG's scheduled! We can just live and pray that between the medicines and life, things will settle down in her brain! So far that has not happened, but I know my God is BIG and I know my God has a plan in her life and in ours! He is NOT done writing her story!!! Nina brings so much joy where ever she goes! As soon as she saw her neurologist come in the door she hopped off of my lap and into her doctors arms! Which I can tell you, as sweet and lovable as Nina is, she does not usually just love on everyone.
Aside from all that, the most baffling thing is how much Nina's personality is changing! After surgery she regressed back to about an 18 month old! After changing up her medicines and her last Veeg something starting happening. I may have mentioned in my last post that I had all the sudden become her new favorite and she was not a fan of Josh, that is slowly starting to level out a little more. She still seems to prefer me, but he is a very close second! She seems to have come full circle to the girl she was when we first adopted her! She is a sweet, lovable, but VERY stubborn girl! If she does not want to do it she has no problem standing her ground! No more chances for the other kids to take a toy and she just takes it like she has been doing since her surgery, now she will yank it right back! When Nina came home she LOVED to dance and sing! Since the surgery, she stopped dancing and did not seem to be able to remember any songs we sang! Now you can just see it all over her face when we play songs she used to love, that she remembers them! She was even humming one the other day out of the blue!! She has even said a few Mandarin phrases she said when we first brought her home, that she has not said in a looong time! And she just started saying a few phrases she could say pre-surgery. The brain is a fascinating thing! Though we see some of the negative orphanage behavior again, which I am not going to lie has been HARD to see again, it is also SO encouraging to know she is coming back to us! We got her far once we had her home and together we can DO IT AGAIN!
A picture from a mama who met our Abbi last month!
As far as our adoption...we hit more roadblocks than I even care to imagine! BUT, if nothing else goes wrong (which I am learning to never say never HA!) we should be bailing our sweet Abbi out the end of June!!!!!! The orphanage still has yet to take her to the doctors to find out what is going on with her seizures,,,but sadly,,,she is an orphan...why would they. Any how we are ready for her! And Nina's awesome Epilepsy team is already to meet her when she is home!
Since we are so close to the end we will be wrapping up our fundraising with two more awesome events on facebook! So be on the look out for a new post coming up soon with all of the details! Here is a little HINT...if you have girls you will LOVE our Raffle!!! If you are planning a relaxing vacation for the fall we on the look out for our FANTASTIC  AUCTION!  Both Events will take place HERE! >>>> AUCTION FOR ABBI!!!!
Both gifts were given for us to giveaway from other amazing adoption mamas! I am amazed how God brings people in your path when you are willing to say to His journey! A front row seat to His amazing works!!!
Thank you all for your love and support through our journey! I can NOT wait to shout we have Travel Approval and can race to bring home our Abbi!!!!

Hanging with my littles...minus Abbi!

Come on! How can you not love these two! Crazy but SO FUN!

My crew plus my beautiful niece for Easter!

Nina's last Veeg

Our family bringing awareness to TSC!!!

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Shaken To the Core

         Looking back at all the greats in the Bible, I think of the beginning of each of their journeys. The moments God spoke. That moment Moses was asked to lead his people from Egypt, the moment David said "I'll defeat the giant", when God gave Jonah his marching orders and told Noah to build an ark because rain is coming. All of them seemed to  handle their first reactions differently. David seemed fearless, Moses gave excuses, Jonah ran, Noah said let's do this. But ALL moved. All of them changed the course of history in their willingness to finally put themselves aside and follow Gods calling. But I have a feeling everyone of them wrestled with great fear doubt and insecurity of some kind when actually facing their foes.
         Last Saturday while I got out with some ladies Nina started seizing. Not unusual for her, but this one was different for her. It was continual and even after rescue medicine, Josh could not get it to stop. He called 911 and through texts and a phone call with me, my friends and I made our way back home. My mom took our kids while my husband traveled with her by ambulance to the emergency room where she was later transferred to her hospital in Orlando. She had already been scheduled for a 5 day VEEG on Monday so they just hooked her up a few days early to be monitored. I drove up the next day with the kids and Josh and I traded places. On Monday her doctor came in, sure that because of the video Josh captured of her seizure, she would have surgery very soon to remove the tumor on the right temporal lobe that they had decided during the last surgery, not to remove. The news was hard to hear, but we both had a good feeling this was going to be their suggestion.

         On Tuesday, after a few big seizures, that I had not seen from her before, the doctor came in with a look on his face that made my stomach turn. Mind you, this doctor is a very nice, but very professional, doesn't wear his feelings on his sleeve, no non-sense, sort of doctor. He told us that all the activity they are seeing now is coming from the left side. He said I really want to see the seizure that she had Saturday before I feel comfortable making any kind of plan. This was so so hard to hear. Basically, she has a lot of serious activity coming from the left, and the right temporal lobe.

        On this same day, a family who was visiting Abbi's orphanage was able to meet our sweet girl. The mama posted pictures for me and said, hope you are ready for this sweet girl, she was a ball of energy and everywhere and wanted to be held by everyone! Haha, well she will fit right in, I thought. Then her husband texted me. His text said, "I don't know if you got this information yet, but the nanny informed us that she was given a new diagnoses at the beginning of the month." I braced myself as I prayed a silent quick prayer while the next text came in. "Dear Lord please do not let Epilepsy!" Then the text came through..."she is on medication for Epilepsy but it is not controlled yet."

         I felt like my brain was spinning and I thought I must be dreaming. Do not get me wrong friends. I LOVE my Nina! Despite all the hard days, her dad and I will ALWAYS fight till we are in the grave for her and we DO NOT regret bringing her and Isac home and still believe without doubt this was the journey God called us too. But wresting Epilepsy is HARD! Any mom with a child who has special needs will tell you, life is a dance and your dance looks off beat and awkward and you know you are standing out in the crowd and your dance costumes do not look the same, your beat is different, even the frequency of your dance is sporadic, often times you have to sit many of those dances out and watch from the side lines. Nina can not be outside for really any length of time before the heat starts setting off seizures, I will never be able to leave her with someone and not have my brain constantly wondering if she will have a seizure without me there. And if I am completely honest, I fear one of these days she could have one so big that they can not be stopped. Some of me felt frustrated and honestly a little angry. "Lord Abbi was suppose to be my easy yes!" (Is there any such thing?!?! HA!) "I know sign language, we can get her the help she needs, teach her to love and trust and continue to fight Nina's epilepsy! Two Lord?! Do you see us?! Do you see the guilt I have every time we have to juggle leaving our kids to take Nina to the hospital for surgeries and hospital tests and doctor appointments?! I lose enough sleep over Nina and her seizures!" Now I know I may be getting ahead of myself. I know we do not fully know how severe Abbi's epilepsy is, or if it will be a lifetime battle like Nina's. But in the moment after reeling from Nina's news, I was TERRIFIED!!!!

     Fast forward to Thursday he told us his plan right now is to change her meds up, and hope it calms the left side of her brain down and then take the right temporal in a few months. If that does not work, if neither the right or left slow down, well, we will talk about that when that time comes.

      On Wednesday I was listening to music and heard the song If You Want Me Too by Ginny Owens. The words really struck me and I knew God Himself had used the song to speak to me.

The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley if You want me to

'Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will go through the fire if You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

Picture from a mom who visited Abbi last week.
    These words breathed life into my soul as the struggle and fear that I imagined David, Noah, Moses and Jonah wrestled with when God told them to keep moving forward, fought to take over my heart. I know God has grown me so much through the journey with Nina and Isac. It has made me a better friend, parent and wife. It has drawn me closer to Him and made me learn to rely solely on Him for strength that I can not draw from any where else. I went to church this morning waiting and hoping for music that would meet me in my fear and sort of put a band-aid on my fearful heart. But God knew what I needed. Instead the music was completely geared to our God and HIS glory. My eyes were turned more to focus on the sweet baby girl sitting in an orphanage hundred of miles away. A child who lifts her arms waiting for someone to hold her and tell her she is loved and wanted. A child now battling a disorder that is taking away even more of the little control that she has in her life and usually is very frightening to even adults who battle them. And my heart aches to race to China to hold her through each and every one!
Picture from a mama who visited Abbi a few months ago.

    Pray with me that the medicine they are giving her starts easing her seizures, that the orphanage will take her to the doctors soon like they said they would to get us more information about what is going on and that we are able to raise all of our funds so that we can RACE to get her!

      I will add on a bright note, the neurologist is 100% convinced that Nina's regression has nothing to do with the surgery and is behavioral. Which is so fantastic news because that means with a lot of therapy, we can get it back! We have a feeling it is Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Let's face it, leaving the only rooms, bed, smells, people and country she has ever known, traveling miles to a place she has never seen with people she doesn't know, facing three surgeries and days and days in a hospital and doctors appointments. It can really mess with a person, especially one so young. Now the fight is going to be to get an actual diagnosis so we can get her the therapies she needs. So if anyone knows any good Christian child psychologist who has experience with a child who is adopted internationally (not asking too much right?) please let me know!

           Thank you for partnering with us in prayer, financially and support in getting our Abbi home and getting our Nina better!

Don't forget to check out Emma's bracelet fundraiser to help get her to China!!! Emma's Chance

Picture of Isac and Levi :)


Friday, April 10, 2015

Emma's Chance

So as we are getting closer to travel to get our Abbi (YAYAYAYAYAYAYA!!!!), we are trying to arrange our travel plans.
I totally missed updating you beautiful peeps with the information that China has given us the Letter of Approval to adopt our Abbi Grace Qin Noll!!! WOOO HOOOO!!!!!
While thinking over our plans, we came to the conclusion that Josh and I can't both travel this time. :( We just are not ready to leave Nina without one of us, due to her seizures still be so bad and bringing her, we are afraid, would increase her seizures due to stress. So I am traveling with my sister in law!!!
But Josh and I thought  Abbi might fare better with a sibling being with her. We already knew Anna did not like the idea of the looong plane ride (who can blame her!) and Emma had already been asking us over and over, sooo we told Emma if she worked hard to earn her way for her trip, then she could come with me!
She has already applied for a grant that another AP's son (who is planning on traveling very soon) started, to help kids go on their trip to meet their new sibling! We haven't heard back yet, but when Josh asked Emma to really think about why she wanted to go for the application, the girl was in tears! She said she just really missed her sister! (If you have adopted before or are in the process you understand how one can miss someone they have never met! Well kids aren't exempt from those feelings! :))

Soooooo....Emma really wanted to make and sell all kinds of Rainbow loom bracelets to travel to China! So without further are a few of her creations!!!!

                                    *Other creations will be listed on Facebook on our His Grand Design Page

Thank you So much for helping our Emma meet her sister and experience where her siblings are from!

***UPDATE: My mom gave Emma a few things to make some other bracelets so Emma is busy making both! :) Check out the site above for all of the options!!!!!

Sunday, January 25, 2015

It Has Been a Long Time-Getting Real

An update on our family...

Well some have noticed I haven't been updating as much through this adoption as we did the last. There are so many reasons for that. Some is we are just way more busy this time some because of Nina's appointments and such and some because our adoption has been a bit overwhelming this time around.

                                         OUR ADOPTION

As far as our adoption, is kind of at a stand still at the moment. Without going into details we are switching agencies which will cost us more time and possibly more money, but after praying about it we felt it was what God wanted us to do. It breaks my heart as I know Abbi is not in the most loving environment from what I hear from the other families who have brought children home from Shanghai, but I know my God loved Abbi fiercely before we ever did and He is holding her every night till we can wrap our arms around her sweet body and let her know how much she is loved!

And oh how she is loved!!! This adoption has been filled with so many surprise gifts from families we are close too, children giving to our auctions, and even things and money sent from people we barely know! Just this last weekend we had two families do a garage sale in their neighborhood for us bringing in $260!!! Though this adoption has been so much harder and we are still at the beginning, God has been showing us through every hard step that He is smiling down on us! He hates that Abbi is sitting longer just as much as we do, due to things completely out of control, but He is continuing to affirm the paths we are taking.

                                          UPDATE ON NINA

Oh Nina. Well so many ask the question "do we think the surgery made it better or worse?" Which is kind of a hard question to answer. From a mom stand point it made it worse, or maybe just not better! Because she has regressed so much and is still having seizures. Nina is now at about an 18 month development stage. She is potty trained at about the same level as a beginning potty trainer who can't and wont tell you they need to go so you have to take them every so often. Physically she can run and walk and can do most anything she could before IF she wants too. Behavior wise...oiy...that is another story. Directing her from one place to the other will be met with a lot of crying whether you're sure she would want to do it or not. Trying to get her to understand the simple task of not just holding her fork while she eats but also to use it to eat can turn into a big battle of wills! And talking, ALL baby babble. EVERY WORD! I know there are people who will pick out things and think she says things, and I have heard her from time to time try to repeat things, but as someone who is with her everyday and every minute of her life, I tell you she isn't saying anything on her own right now. I wish she was because I know she has so much she wants to say...but it is not there now. Days with Nina right now are so so hard! She is the same sweet lovable child she was before! THAT I am so very thankful for! Even her attachment is not the same. I know she loves Josh and I. We both know she sees us and knows we are the ones who she sees all the time. But we also know she is just as much attached to us as she is to the random man she saw in the dentist office who's lap she crawled right in and tried to kiss. I know people will debate us till they are blue in the face that Nina is just lovable and that is all it is...but trust us when we say it is not. Everything in me wishes that when she is hurt she would only run to her mama...but right now she isn't there. My days are a mental battle of being convinced that just like when we brought her home I need to push her to be better and the Nina I once knew will click and come back! I push her to use her fork to eat because DARN IT she could do it a few months ago! Then As she sits there crying and refusing to do it I struggle with, is she just being stubborn (because girl was SUPER stubborn when we first brought her home!!!!!) or is it not really clicking in her brain any more and I am just being cruel?! Did I spend a whole day pushing her for nothing! Or do I just need to be patient and wait for things to happen. She cries....I cry...then we go to bed and start all over again! Sigh...then I go to my room and cry in frustration that maybe surgery was a bad idea. I feel like I lost our sweet girl and it is all my fault...We had come SO far with Nina since we had brought her home...and now I feel like she is lost. I know I know...I can not dwell in that place...and believe me when I say I desperately try hard not to because well...what is done is done. But on those really hard days when I am sure the stress of trying to reteach my little girl the simple things makes me want to pull my hair out, I want those days back. When I see the frustration in her eyes that she can not simply tell me she wants a drink or a snack but instead paces the kitchen, I want to scream for her!

Another VERY hard decision for me was our decision to put Nina in school part time. MAN did I go back and forth about this! I home-school all my kids, why in the world would I send my most medically fragile child off! But the more we prayed about it, the more we knew God was assuring us that this was the best thing for her. At least for short term. But I have the peace that God knows I will leave it to Him.

I do get to see many great moments with my girl. I get the chance to bond with her as a mama would do with her new born baby. She loves to cuddle, wants to be close and while there is much frustration in having to re teach your child the simple things (frustrating simply because she got it months ago and you can see how frustrated she is) it is fun to see her accomplish things again! Like when she first came back from surgery, she would barely get up off the couch and if she did she would pace to the back door then go sit down again. Then she would pace to the back door, watch the kids play for awhile, then go sit back down. Then she finally made it outside and get on the trampoline but only sit for a short time then go back inside. And just this last week I watched her go out and JUMP!!!! I know it seems so crazy but I was so excited for her!!!!

Some of you may have heard about last week but for those of you who have not, last Friday night Nina had cluster seizures every 10 minutes. This is not something that has ever happened since we have had Nina so we were not sure what we should do but we called the on call neurologist. She advised us to give her the emergency med because cluster seizures like that usually end up getting closer and closer together causing a full blow seizure that is really hard to stop! Since the only new change was the dose of the new medication, we started a new medicine the next day, So far we haven't had to give the emergency medicine again.

AND as far as a neurologist perspective if she is better or worse...I would guess it would be this. We were told Nina was a tough case due to how many tumors she has on her brain. They got the one large one they were hoping would calm the others down, They knew there was a chance it wouldn't, but they hoped that it would. While she is still having seizures, we think the surgery relieved her brain of some of the ones she was having. Unfortunately though one of the other two are still acting on their own. And while she has gone backward a lot after the surgery, continual seizures would eventually do the same thing only it could remain backwards since her brain would be held back from seizures. I would say I am 80% convinced surgery will be put back on the table at some point at the end of this year.  Which I HATE but if it means a better life for my girl...then we will do what we have too! For today...we fight another day to see her again...

Nina enjoying her swing again at Nana's!!! It took a bit of relearning to hold on and not let go so we went super slow, but she LOVED it!!!!

I have to admit walking through this has made me see all new sides of myself in parenting! The good the bad and sometimes the VERY ugly! But this morning we sang a song that filled my heart with a new sense revival. 

You can make all things new
Only Your power can raise us
You can make all things new
Only Your love can save us
All hope is not lost
cause You make all things new

You give beauty for our ashes
in a hope that everlasting
The past has been redeemed
Now forever we will sing
You give beauty for our ashes
in a hope that's everlasting
The past has been redeemed
Now forever we will sing

Thank you all so much for your prayers and comments! They truly mean the world to us!!!! 


Thursday, January 8, 2015

God Has Blessed-The Heart of My Better Half

God Has Blessed

Throughout this adoption process Sara has been carrying the burden of raising the funds to get Abbi. We want her home so badly. This has been especially draining on her as she needs all her time and energy for Nina’s needs and all the other kids needs,schooling, etc. But God knows what we need! He recently provided for us, largely through a blessing in disguise. We were in a car accident and our van was totaled. That doesn't sound like a blessing does it! Thankfully we all came out ok, even Nina who just had brain surgery. We just need some Chiropractic care to get our necks back in shape and get rid of the headaches. So here’s the blessing, the other drivers insurance was very helpful to us, they valued our van at the same price as I bought it for over 4 years ago(I knew I got a good deal on it :). AND we were able to find a full size van to replace it for only $700 more than that! The burden that was lifted here is that we were going to need a bigger van anyway to fit our whole family once we get Abbi, but we weren't going to be able to until after we had her home. Isn't God good!

Another burden that I have been working on is getting us moved on to Sara’s parents property. We feel like now is the time for several reasons. We need more room for the kids, it will put us in walking distance of their house(the Bruzzi’s have been immensely helpful to us and that will help with watching the kids for doctors. appointments, and homeschooling etc.) also our Rent just increased a lot this year. We are putting a manufactured home on their property since it is so much cheaper for the size we need, but I was only going to be able to put 10% down since we are saving for the adoption too. But now with the compensation from the accident we are able to put 20% down which gets us a better interest rate, and is a better plan financially. This is a huge burden lifted and makes me feel much better about pursuing that now. God is Good!

It was hard not to worry after the accident, especially since the other driver didn't think she was at fault and was planning on fighting it. Her insurance told her not to though (since there was a witness, again, thank God) They were more than fair with us. probably to keep the lawyers out of it. :) I’m so glad we didn't have to go that route. God is good!

Another neat thing that has come out of this is that the kids saw first hand that God works all things for good for those that love Him. That is priceless. God is Good!

This combined with others generous giving to us through the holidays puts us within only a couple thousand of what we hope to pay. (counting our future savings and tax return) that is a huge burden lifted! Thank you SO MUCH to all of you who have been used by God to lift some of the weight off our shoulders. Beyond the financial support it provides, it is so encouraging to know that you are behind us and that you love Abbi that much. God is good!

Through all of this, the one burden that we and all of you have been asking God to take away is Nina’s seizures. We were so hopeful that the surgeries would take care of that, but now different seizures are coming back and she is regressing. It is very discouraging, but we have to remember that God’s got this and we have seen that He works all things together for good for those that love Him. He must still have more that He wants to accomplish through this struggle in us or in others. Please pray for God to be glorified through this and that we would be a light to the medical teams as we work to get her better. God is still Good!

One last thing. I want to make sure everyone knows that this blessing is not based on our goodness. I continue to struggle with my sin and shortcomings through all of this and have to ask for His forgiveness. (Sara’s perfect though, :)) I am still amazed that God would use me and bless me in spite of me. He wants to use you too.


Monday, November 24, 2014

The Feelings That Wrestle With My Heart

              So many have asked how I am feeling. Such a loaded questions as my heart is being pulled in so many directions.
            The first set of feelings is about the surgery, risks, etc. I am so very thankful Nina was a candidate to have this possibility as there are plenty of Tuberous Sclerosis kiddos who are not. The chance to be with a team of neurologist and surgeons who we trust is a huge blessing! Especially coming from skeptics such as Josh and I. But obviously the thought of my sweet baby lying on an operating table for hours kills me! The what could go wrong is always hanging over me. Though honestly I have enough faith in the doctors, that it is not a huge burden.
           The thought of what my baby feels kills me. She is not able to really tell me how she is feeling, if she is scared, if she is angry for us putting her through all of this, neither can we explain why we are doing this for her. That thought hurts my heart as we are still building trust in our sweet girl. She is still learning we will NEVER leave her. We will never give up on her and that we love her and are fighting for her! Oh how I wish I could explain to her when they wheel her away that our arms ache to hold her and we will be waiting on the other side every time!
         There is a greater fear for me if this will work. There is a very high success rate for this kind of surgery. 75% of kids come out seizure free either on meds or without meds. I hate to think of us having to put her through this again if this doesn't work.
        Probably my greatest fear is who will be wheeled back out on that surgery bed? When you mess with the brain the way they are, all kinds of changes can and hopefully will be made in her life and personality. Our surgeons assistant said, you would be surprised in how fast their brain recovers and begins to rapidly learn things she missed out on for so long. All of this is GREAT NEWS! But if  you have a child, imagine falling in love with a child, all their quirks and mannerisms that make them uniquely them, and you see all of that falling away. Do not get me wrong, I want my baby girl to live up to her full potential! I look forward to one day being able to hold a conversation with her and watch her starting up friendships with other children her age, but we love our Nina. We love her truly for how she came to us. Her stubborn fight that has carried her through her life and hasn't stopped yet, her love for feet :), her giggle that can some times start for no reason but soon has you laughing and her love and affection for everyone she meets! THAT is our Nina. The quirks that at one time I did not understand but quickly became overwhelmed with love for!
As we sit in the waiting room waiting for our names to be called so many emotions run through my head about what days lay ahead, but I know without a shadow of a doubt, the Lord knows my fears, He knows my heart and He is and always has been holding my baby girl in His hands.

This song has been my heart as I lean and trust in the arms of my Heavenly Father...

I can not wait till we can look back on this day as another day Nina's life was transformed!