Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

James 1:27

He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which He has freely given us in the One He loves.

Ephesians 1:5-6

Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows.

Isaiah 1:17

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

I Have a Little Secret...

Ever since Nina's surgeries I have suffered from an anxiety disorder that apparently I have always had...but never saw signs for...until now.

So why do I share this with my small group of very sweet followers and the blogging world?? Because I feel like there are many who suffer from anxiety. Some who know and feel those moments when time seems to speed up and slow down all at the same time. Times when you feel like you can honestly see your heart beating out of your chest because it is pumping so fast. Moments when you feel like all sound and light are at their highest extremes and blind out your thoughts and sight. Those times when you feel like you are sweating though you know you have put in little effort of movement and when your world starts to settle, you feel like you just ran the biggest race of your life. But then there are those like me, who had NO idea what in the world was happening?! Am I drinking too much caffeine? No I only had one cup and most of it spilled on my lap when little Jonny insisted that Hulks head just HAD to be put on again for the hundredth time. Am I coming down with something? If I am, what of the hundreds of possibilities do I chose from WebMD's long list of scenarios?!?! 

So with some prodding from friends and my hubby, I made the dreaded doctors appointment. And sure enough, she said it was anxiety. I wish I could say that the journey down medicine lane was an easy one, but it was a trial and error, and some of them did the vast opposite of what I was desiring. But when I compare it to Nina's journey of medicine changes...I have no room to complain. 

Friends, special needs moms, adoption moms, any and EVERY mom...our jobs are HARD HARD HARD! Some a little harder than others, in different ways, but still just plain hard! And as much as I know how easy it is to forget about our selves in the name of, "I am tired and too many other people need me right now", we end up doing the very opposite of what we claim. We spend every drop of what and who were are and never refill enough to give more for tomorrow. And before we know it...we are burned out, crying to our girl friends in the closet, eating our hidden chocolate stash begging someone will come to us with a strait jacket! (No, just me? ...ok then) We HAVE to take care of ourselves. We HAVE to find something, ANYTHING that will help us focus on ourselves. A time to breathe, a time to reflect on who you are and changes that we can make to make tomorrow even better, a time to just rest in something that we feel gives us a new joy and a new desire. Now I know, I hear many of you already making your excuses..."I do not have the time and what little time I do have, I like to veg in front of the TV"...I get it! I SO do!!!! But think, how many of us LOVE to save money? Most of us do not! If we have that extra $50, $20 whatever in the bank account, we want to spend it! BUT if we take the time and discipline to save it, we end up with a greater reward! Think of this as saving up for yourself so you can pour out more of what you want onto your children! 
So with my councilor's advice, I worked to find something I would enjoy. But for me, it had to be something that was surrounded by worship and devotions. I knew I needed to spend more than 15 minutes a day with God and I really wanted to add more quiet time in worship. So I took up Bible journaling. If you have not already heard, it has gotten pretty popular in the Christian women circles.  Basically you can take a verse, or a devotion and really reflect on what it means to you. Listen to what God is trying to tell you through it. Then write or draw or color or paint, in your Bible what comes to your mind. I have seen all kinds of skills from people. From those who are amazing true born artist, to those who really just enjoy it has a past time and never intend to share any of their work. To those who can draw the details of a human face, to those who stick to the stick figures. Jesus sees your heart through whatever you make of it! And HE thinks that is the most amazing art He has ever seen! It has made me draw (pun intended) so much closer to the heart of God as I meditate on the words that I read and not just read them and put them aside for the day, but really hide them in my heart. And spending time with God, and doing something I did not really ever think I was even good at, and thortoughly enjoying it, has put more energy and focus in my bank to give back to my family!
So I thought it would be fun to share my journaling through the Bible on here! A way to encourage others that as a mom of 7, if I can find the time, then we all kind carve out time for ourselves some were. Because mamas, IT IS IMPORTANT!!! Our families need the best of us we can give, and we can not give, what we are not saving up for.
So here are a few of mind that I have already done. I do follow Bible studies, but I do many at the same time. Sometimes I will journel sermon messages, sometimes a study I am doing now with a bestie from The Armor of God by Pricilla Shier (VERY good btw!), I have one I am doing with my girls, Beautiful Me by Stasi Eldredge, which is SO good!!! And I like to do the She Reads Truth, which right now they journeying through Acts devotionals I get through email as well!

Just a recap of the kiddos.

Nina's last doctors appointment left me feeling frustrated and sad. They said, at this point it is finding quality of life for her. Words no parents EVER wants to hear. But as we are coming up on her 6th birthday she is smiling, laughing, running and even beginning to potty train again! This girl is a fighter! And she truly inspires me to be stronger!!!!
Abbi is coming up on her 1 year mark! WOW! One year!!!! It feels like she has always been a apart of the Noll family!!!! She had her cochlear implant surgery three weeks ago, and this Thursday we go in to have the outside piece put on and turned on! Soooo...stay tuned for an update!!!!!!!

As always thank you for reading and for your love and support!!!

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