It Should Not Be Me

Being an adoptive parents comes with so many feelings. We have been high and we have been very low. We have been happy and had heartbreaks, we have seen amazing victories and tasted the bitterness of regressions. There is no doubt that when you say yes to adoption, you really do not know what you are in for...no matter the child or the experience of the parent, the winds just blow and sometimes you never know which way your emotions are going to go.

Every time Abbi opens her eyes from a nap or in the morning, her first reaction is always every time without fail, to wipe her eyes, look around the room, as if to resure her that being out of the orphanage is not a dream, and then a huge smile comes across her face as her eyes catch mine, her arms stretch out to me and she giggles then wraps her little arms around my neck. (Then of course she jumps up and starts her day at about a million miles per hour!)

To see her light up and smile normally really brings me such joy! To know that she is genuinely happy with not only her home, but so very happy with her family! It is what all adoptive parents hope for!

But like I said, sometimes the winds of emotions can knock you back unexpectedly. I walked into our room to wake her, ready to see the smile on her face. I sat next to her on the bed watching her sleep, and all of the sudden a wave of reality rushed over me, a thought that I had thought before, but I guess maybe never really felt.

                                          I want her eyes to open and her face to light up, but her eyes should be looking at the mama who gave her life. The one who bravely carried her. Her arms should be wrapping around the woman who has her eyes and knows her little soul as well as she knows her own...it should not be me. Now do not get me wrong. I am beyond happy she does not spend another day in the orphanage! NO child should be there! But this is the reality for my babies that I can not change. A reality I can never give to them, and that breaks my heart to pieces!

**And as a side note, these are not feeling I linger on, or think about for long. I refuse to believe my kids are without the hope of growing up joyful and loving and confidant! My God is big and I have seen Him do great things in so many lives!

This is the fate of SO many children! SO MANY, EVERY WHERE!

This is Cassie. So many that have met and played with Cassie from American groups say how sweet she is! Sweet Cassie has woken up behind the bare cold walls of the orphanage for far too long! Cassie is now 11, the same age as my oldest. When I think back to the 11 years I was privileged to parent her I remember all the sweet moments this girl has missed having a mom.  She will not have any one there to sing Happy Birthday and help her celebrate a new year of life. Sweet Cassie does not know the smile from parents proud of her achievements big and small. Her hard work has been met with nodding heads and empty stares for far too long! My heart aches to watch this girl age another year without a family. The videos show her talking, walking and says she is very independent. She does share the same special need of cerebral palsy and looks like she too is rocking it! If adoption is something you have EVER thought about! Please please pray about it and do not hesitate to ask any questions! I would love to be of any help I can!
Please share this post and let's find Cassie a family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS-someone asked a question on my blog last week about a girl they are looking to adopt, the comment got deleted before I could read it, some how. :( Please feel free to reach out again!