The Day She Walked In

  

waiting for our guide to go meet Abbi

WOW! So what a day! Of course it was an ear morning again with little sleep. I was pretty nervous as I tried to make myself lie in bed and go back to sleep so eventually I gave up and got ready. Once I was up my nerves calmed down a lot! It was replaced with adrenaline and excitement! I called my hubby so we could pray over our day! We made our way to breakfast and then downstairs. Walking around that whole morning I saw the faces of everyone looking like it was just another day! Of course for them it was not I wanted to shout TODAY IS THE DAY PEOPLE!!!

waiting in line at the bank

getting tickets 

changing money in bank

It is time to celebrate! Of course no one did! LOL We had to leave early because we needed to change our American money to Chinese RMB so we could get Abbi's ransomed ready. (Seriously, the words of the the guide as she rolled her eyes at them, "they need you to pay before they will bring your daughter in"...seriously people, they wanted heir "donation" first! All I could do was laugh!) We made our way to the bank which was a fun experience! You stand in line where they hand you tickets for the order in which you will be seen once they let you inside. Our guide had a blast teasing everyone else that she got number 1!!!!! She is a riot!!!!! You would think because we have a ticket which establishes what order you will get to go in that they would file in calmly and get in line once the doors open...NOPE! True to Chinese culture EVERY MAN IN AT ONCE!!!! Brought me back to my college days! Once we were in our cubby changing money a man can in and lingered behind us. If I hadn;t gone through this before I would have been crazy nervous being that we had a LOT of highly sought after American dollars and would have a lot of RMB, but he pulled out his calculator and began to talk to us in Mandarin. He was trying to get us to exchange our money with him at a better rate. Last time Josh, being Josh went for it! The bank will even help him do it right there!! But my sister had already started and I really just wanted to get out of there and get Abbi! Money was the last thing on my mind!

signing adoption papers

Once we were done we headed over to the civil affairs office where we would meet Abbi, I walked in super nervous not knowing what
order things would be done. With Isac we started filling out paper work then they brought him in, with Nina they brought her in and then we filled out paper work. But with Abbi, we filled out the paper work and then they brought her in. At first I was getting super nervous because they asked for Josh;s passport which we hadn't brought, we only brought a copy. But eventually they accepted that. Then they asked for a picture of him. Which I had thought the passport photo would be enough so we did not bring another one! I was sure I did not have one but I thought I have to at least look just in case! After looking inside I found Josh;s passport photos from last year tucked behind my extra ones I had brought from last year! I don;t know if Josh put them in knowing I needed them, or if I accidentally brought them when I grabbed mine, BUT GOD TOOK CARE OF THE DETAILS!
After all of that was done they brought in Abbi!

in walks Abbi

Right into my arms

saying good bye to her nanny

Off to start an adventure 

She came in with a smile on her face and as soon as I got down she came to me with open arms! Now I would like to say it is because they prepared her for us, and that may be, but Abbi honestly hugged the bell boy and sat on his lap already so I am pretty sure that is not the case! But she is VERY happy girl!She is also a very BUSY GIRL! in between paper work and feeding the child who acted like she had never eaten before, I was chasing her EVERYWHERE!!! She is seriously curious and LOVED being chased! Her nanny had tears in her eyes as she told me she was her favorite of all the kids! She said she was happy and so smart! (Both are very true!) They gave me a month supply of Abbi's medicine which I am SO grateful for! I can not WAIT to get this girl home! I am very sure she does not need all of this! But we are not going to change it now with out her doctor giving us the green light, seizure meds are too touchy for that!

Afterwards we made our way to the store where Abbi wanted every food she saw! Check out was fun as she saw the food and could not get her hands on it! I thought she was going to wrestle me to the ground! Her favorite snack...it is called Lonely God... :(, nice.
Later back at the room my sister in law and Emma went to get lunch while I played with Abbi. Medically, Abbi can not seem to hear ANYTHING. It seems she can hear if I bang hard on the table but she can not tell where it is coming from. And she is SO unstable! She walks like a a baby just learning to walk! If she is just standing still she does a lot of swaying and walking is a very unstable event. She does bed one of her legs a little but for the most part she seems to throw it out sideways to walk, (imagine someone walking with a prosthetic) which is why I think she is so unstable, She uses one hand all the time and the other she only uses to hold things that are small. But man watching her compensate for it is AMAZING! She will put things under her chin that she can not use her other hand for! I am pretty sure I may have seen a seizure or two but they were staring seizures if they were seizures at all, which are hard to gauge in children who have gone through all that Abbi is going through. Often times children which space out like that to kind of shut the world out for a little while so it it is hard to know which it could be. But the other seizure they are talking about, I have not seen yet.

Meeting daddy and big sisters!

Abbi is a fascinating child! She is reaching for everything she can find. She will either bring it to you with a smile, or she will pull it back with a smile and run hoping you will chase her! Her favorite game, running and waiting for you to chase her down and pick her up and swing her! The laughs you get when you do that are AMAZING!!!! Her second or maybe first,EAT!!! I have NEVER seen a child eat the way she does! Not even Nina who can eat a ton! We got to Skype with her sisters and daddy (the middle of the night for them) and they got to witness her eating! And when she blows kisses it is SO SO SO CUTE! She also loves to throw, hit and pull hair! All things that do not shock me coming from an orphanage. At one point she grabbed something off of the counter, threw it back on, then crossed her arms cocked her hips and shook her head with her little lips pursed! This girl is a teenager already! LOL!!!
After going to dinner I gave her a bath in the shower in a baby bath that our guide brought for us and she LOVED IT! She did not want any toys in there with her but she loved the water falling on her head! (Most small kids hate that!) After lotion-ing her up, holding her down with my legs to get a diaper on because girl does NOT sit still, I made her a bottle and laid in bed with her! You can tell this girl was a favorite! She made a lot of eye contact and let me feed her the bottle! She was pretty wired but finally laid down with the bottle and fell asleep in my arms! I moved her to the pack n play where she opened her eyes, looked into mine and smiled then fell asleep! It is 6am and she is still sleeping! She slept through the night!!! She has so far made her way to my lap, reached for me to hold her and let me feed her and made a lot of eye contact! ALL VERY good signs of furture attachment!
Tonight when exhaustion set in and adrenaline tanked, my heart missed  Josh so much! I hate that he missed meeting his daughter when I did and I KNOW how in love he will be with her! I know it is hard for him to watch from the other side of the world! I haven't slept through an entire night since I have gotten here and running after Abbi could be an Olympic sport! I am tired!!! My sister in law is AMAZING and is helping me so much, but respecting our wished to let me do everything for Abbi right now so she can k now I am her soul provider. With that and little energy, my body is tired!
We are incredibly blessed to have been chosen to be Abbi's parents! I am head over heels for this girl and I CAN NOT WAIT to get her home!
We have a few more appointment this morning as we officially make her a Noll!!!!
Pray for me to sleep better and have more energy and perseverance! I want to cherish this time in China in my daughters home country and not wish it all away! Pray for Emma as she is for sure having times of being home sickness! Pray for my sister in law as I know her sweet spirit is giving it all she has to sit back and not love all over Abbi! (Did I mention what a rock star she is?!?!?!?! And pray for Abbi! There has not been any grieving or any huge surprises yet, but that does not mean there wont be and I pray she lets us love on her!

Good night sweet girl!!!

Thank you all for your comments, your prayers and your support!!!!
Thank you to our church who has prayed us through this journey, supported us financially and through prayers, set up a meal train before we ever even left for China and for the people who are so excited about Abbi that they want to be her buddy at church! (By the way who ever that ends up being I hope you buy some really good running shoes and do not plan on dressing up for church any more!!! haha)

My First Few Days in China

Day one-
A very early start to get to the airport! VERY early! My sister in law and Emma and I got to  the airport in plenty of time with Josh. I was such a mix of emotions, Nervous because I was doing this without him, not nervous because I wasn't 100% alone and my sister in law has this uncanny sense of calm which helps carry over lol. Excited to have Abbi and have this part of our journey DONE, but nervous because who knows what is on the other side of this adventure.  But I am blessed to know a God who knows what is on the other side of this adventure, no matter what is waiting for me, He is there and walking beside me through each and every moment! We got through security and to Texas with no drama. Emma was so fun to watch on the plane though. Her eyes got wide and her poor legs were shaking but it didn't take her long at all to get used to it! And she said it was better than a roller-coaster...which she doesn't like by the way! haha
Our trip over to China was pretty uneventful as well. Longer than I remember, but then isn't every labor we experience! I remember feeling so so out place our first adoption on the flight. We are obviously not a majority on a plane going to China, and yet, that overwhelming feeling of being one out of a hundred wasn't there. I felt like I was right where I was suppose to be! Even stepping off the plane and going into the airport, again, a sense of normal. Maybe it was God gaving me the peace I needed (your prayers are felt!), maybe it was the fact that I have been here before, but I think so much of it is the journey that God has walked us through before this adoption being in the hospital with Nina on my own so many times. God has taught me so much lately to how to walk close to Him, to let go of the hands that I have tried so hard to cling to for dependence and trust that He is there! Always, and everywhere!!!
We get to the hotel and the sights and sounds come rushing back! I was able to talk to the hotel desk to get the rooms I was hoping to get before we left but the lady on the phone was getting us no where! I know silly but I just have a hard time talking to people about things like this, but I did that! God gave me that strength to be brave. This room gets us food all day long! We do have to pay a little extra for it, but it means not trying to venture out too much with Abbi and staying in more because she might need it. Our sweet guide in Shanghai is AMAZING!!! I have had good guides and I have had bad guides and they can make a good trip miserable! I got so blessed with an amazing one!!!! Thank you Lord!

Welcome to Shanghai!

Day 2
Well sleep was horrible, but we made it work :). We just chilled in our room a lot in the morning an then made our way to the pool for a little bit. MY stomach hasn't been loving the change and lack of sleep so I haven't been eating a ton, but the food has been SO YUM! If your a China adoption mom you know what I am talking about, there is NOTHING like the buffets at these hotels!!!! Noodles for breakfast lunch and dinner? YES PLEASE!!!!
A woman I met online helps with a foster home here in Shanghai. I met her because she used to work with one in Yulin where Nina was so she had met Nina before we did and just loved her! Who wouldn't ;)?!?!?!!!! I wanted so badly to meet her and go to dinner but that meant getting out of my comfort zone and getting a taxi and navigating a HUGE city I have never been to and could only speak very VERY little of their language! So much of me wanted to be brave but so much of me wanted to stay in safe! My sister in law,  in her true calm "you only live once", personality, encouraged me that I may regret it if I didn't go but probably wouldn't regret it if we did. Which convinced me to go for it! So with a knotted stomach we stepped out into the huge cement city and got to Shining Star Foster Home. There was a group of college aged French kids hanging out and playing with the kids so it was fun to get to hang with them a little bit. The kids there were so so sweet! It broke my heart to see so many of them and know they were in such a loving healing place until they were adopted but were under the constant threat of being sent back to the orphanage. Many of them had vision issues of some kind, Two of the little boys had heart defects. One in which is so bad he will need a heart transplant. The foster mom has been working hard to get his paper work done to be adopted but because of his heart the orphanage says it isn't worth the time or money to complete it because he wont make it and no one would come for him in time to make it worth their time. This sweet boy has SO much life! He was EVERYWHERE! Just like any sweet two year old boy, he did not let anything hold him back! Emma fell in love with these two sweet boys!  It broke my heart to hear one of the boys say to the foster mom, "no one would come for me, right?" She says, "what would make you say such a thing?" He told her the police officer told him there is no one out there for him who would want him." BREAK MY HEART INTO A MILLION PIECES!!!! This boy did have limited sight but that did not hold him back from anything. His English was as clear as day, he got everywhere he needed to go and did everything any boy his age would do! And such a sweet heart!!! She in turn held back tears and said, do not listen to him, there are PLENTY of people out there who would want you!" To which he smiled big and ran to play.  He said all of it as if he truly believed it and as if he was just having another conversation! For this boy it is his reality what he has been told many times, may actually be his reality. HOPE means EVERYTHING to these kids! It gives them meaning, it gives them a better chance of tomorrow and it gives them life!
We had an interesting time trying to get back to our hotel. We went to dinner with our friend and when we parted ways she sent us off in a taxi all hopeful the taxi driver knew where we were going after she called our hotel and the hotel gave the cab driver directions. We got to the area that looked familiar but when we pulled up it was not our hotel. We told him in our best NON Mandarin this isn't it. He asked for our phone and I gave it to him. (We think he thought it was the phone he was talking on before and he could just call the hotel back but he kept calling my husband which of course wasn't going through. (Boy that would have been great if it had though!) So my sister in law was going to get out to go talk to the hotel desk to get someone to talk to him and give him directions but he was like no no and started driving! We looked at each other and shrugged our shoulders...what else could we do! LOL  By the grace of God our hotel was just a few buildings down and we got out safly! And the driver had a very good laugh!
What is even crazier is that in driving over to the foster home, we were about 20 minute walking distance from my Abbi's orphanage! Knowing in that dark night my sweet girl was sleeping alone and I could do nothing to comfort her was breaking my heart!
It was a late night but it was a truly great experience! I would not have traded that part of my life for anything!

Through my adoption with Isac and Nina I had a song that ran through my head often. It was a song that grounded me when I started feeling panic settle in. This adoption has been no different. God brought the song In Over My Head (Crash Over Me) by Bethel.

I have come to this place in my life 
I’m full but I’ve not satisfied 
This longing to have more of You
I can feel it my heart is convinced
I’m thirsty my soul can’t be quenched 
You already know this but still
Come and do whatever You want to

Words that truly always keep me wanting to fight for more than myself. Josh and I could asily raise Christian children and feel satisfied that we were doing what the Lord has called us to do, but we wanted to glorify Him more! We wanted more of what He wanted, and He answered with the words SEE MY CHILDREN!

I’m standing knee deep but I’m out where never been
I feel You coming and I hear Your voice on the wind 

Would you come and tear down the boxes that I have tried to put You in
Let love come teach me who You are again
Take me back to the place where my heart was only about You
And all I wanted was just to be with You
Come and do whatever You want to

This whole journey has been tough, but I did not think I would ever calmly get on the plane and leave my family half way across the ocean and journey out of my safe zone of the hotel, with out much kicking or screaming, or not even at all! But He called me out,  softly, calmly and peacefully said daughter just go...I am here I am already there and I will catch you when you fall.  Like a child learning to walk and taking the chance at taking that first step to their moms open arms!

Further and further my heart moves away from the shore
Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours
Further and further my heart moves away from the shore
Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours
Knowing who my God is, knowing what my God has done for me before and what He promises to do in me here and after, I move forward because no matter what, He will always catch me!
Then You crash over me and I’ve lost control but I’m free
I’m going under, I’m in over my head 
And You crash over me, I’m where You want me to be
I’m going under, I’m in over my head
Whether I sink, whether I swim 
It makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head
Whether I sink, whether I swim
It makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head
I’m Beautifully in over my head
I’m Beautifully in over my head

Nothing about what I am doing makes since in my own head. It is truly not something I EVER wanted to do (journeying all the way over here on my own!), I am completely and utterly overwhelmed that I am where I am! But because I am walking with Him it is and will always be beautiful! No matter if Abbi hates me, no matter if we get lost a thousand times and hit more road bumps moving forward, THIS is His perfect and beautiful plan!  Will it be easy? Will it look like what I hope it will look like? Will it be the plan I want to envision out of my human flesh...maybe...but maybe not. But He is already in that beautiful plan. Putting our lives together like a puzzle that makes no sense if your only looking at the one piece, but together makes a glorious design!

*We did get pictures of and with the kids but out of respect for the foster home we aren't going to post them until they give me the okay! :)

Day 3
This morning I was up early again. Not happy about that but all well, I can sleep at some point in life right! Today we did a little sight seeing with our great and sweet guide SuLinn. Who by the way is one of six children! It was before the one child policy was enforced. But she said to me that she thought I had such a beautiful and amazing family. It made my heart so happy because it was so genuine and so not in a "your such an amazing person because of what you are doing", but because you value your children. Did I  mention I LOVE her! We went to Yu Garden which is full of pagodas (tired towers used for traditions back in the ancient days) and toured the busy busy streets of Shanghai. had the chance to buy about a million fake watches and purses! VERY crazy to have people following you trying to talk to you about buying things when you have already said no about a million times in the nicest possible way!
Anyway afterwards we went to the aquarium. For the most part it was nice but there was one point where I felt like I was having a panic attack! We were in one of those tubes on a moving floor going sooooooooooooo slooooow! At first it was not too bad, there were a  LOT of people but people were standing and going with the slow pace looking at the fish, but as soon as it got to the sharks people all started crowding forward! I love Chinese people but there is no such thing as personal space! That mixed with the memory of the scene in Jaws where the glass breaks on the shark tank and the people start going nuts, came rushing back! I am a follow -the- crowd -do -not -break- the -rules kind of person and I stood it for as long as I could but I was starting to panic and there was not an end in site. I stepped off the moving sidewalk, I grabbed Emma's hand looked at my sister in law and started pusing my way forward. Thankfully we finally made our way out and I could breathe again! Totally never saw myself ever feeling like that, but man THERE WAS A LOT OF PEOPLE IN THERE!!!! I think the fact that I am completely exhausted does not help either.  Afterwards we went back to our room and just rested our bodies and mind.

Getting ready to celebrate Dragon Boat Festival!

HOLY SMOKES BATMAN!! TOO MANY PEOPLE IN ONE SMALL SPOT!

The woman in the white shirt with a ponytail who did not take no for no! Apparently my sister in law thought it was funny how far she followed us!

Asking the man with the really big gun for directions!!!!!

Tomorrow is the BIG day! The day my Abbi's life changes forever! I wonder if they have told her tomorrow she will be leaving all she knows. I wonder if they have prepared her for this day at all. I wonder if even as I write this her sweet mind ever wonders when her turn is coming.
Dear Abbi-
I wish I knew now how to help you. I wish I knew what would make your heart less scared and make your transition that much easier. I wish there was another way then ripping you from all you have ever known to give you a future and a family! My heart aches for all that you will lose and all the fear that is coming up ahead for you ! Know my heart breaks with yours but even more the Heavenly Father sees you where you are. His heart breaks that this world is fallen and that your healing has to begin with more pain. I hope one day you see His love for you and that He sees you and wants such big things for you!!! Dear sweet baby girl I pray we can help you see that! You are loved, you are special YOU ARE HIS!!! I pray you can find comfort in our arms and learn to know how much we love you! I know this journey will not be easy for any of us. The beginning of healing sometimes is the hardest place to be, but such beauty always comes from it! We love you! And can not wait to be your mommy and daddy!

Tomorrow night while you are all sleeping an orphan will become a daughter!

I have had good and bad internet connection on my computer so I  may or may not be able to blog our big day tomorrow right away...but stay tuned!!

The Beginning Of Forever

In just a few days we will be boarding the plane to go half way around the world to bust our daughter out of what has been her reality for four years! To say I am a mixed bag of emotions would be an understatement! Of course there is always the under lay of nerves to get on a plane and sit for hours, I would not say I  have a fear of flying, but things go wrong and yada yada. My biggest fear is actually getting lost as I have the WORST since of direction known to man! Seriously, I have lived in my town since I was about 7 or 8 and can still get lost! I KNOW, I TOLD YOU!!!
But I am also nervous for Abbi. As much as my heart knows all the love and attention she will receive once she is in my arms...she does not. I am a stranger. I do not look, smell, sound or even talk, like the only people she has known for her short sweet life. I will take her from the friends she fought life's battles with. I will take her past the walls that she called home and held any memory she ever had. Her sweet life will be completely turned upside down!
But that is what our God does to our lives isn't? When we say yes...our lives change upside down. And just like for Abbi, though it may be terrifying in the dark, when the sun comes up in the morning, it all starts to make sense! Our new normal starts to make sense! And it is beautiful! Not easy, but beautiful! Just like when an artist is painting a beautiful canvas, at first you can not even begin to imagine where they are going with it. But slowly over time you are blown away with the details! With the lines and the shapes, the strokes and the attention put into every step taken, to create the Grand Design! He is in it all! And Praise God for that! For there are so many times when I want to take that paint brush and design it how I deem fit, but when He orchestrates it, it is so much more grand! Because let's face it, when an artist paints a canvas, he knows what His end result is going to be! Why would I try and take the paint brush from his hand and try to paint it for him?! That just wouldn't make since! So daily we need to make the choice to hand over the paint brush to the GREAT DESIGNER and let HIM deign our canvas!
So please pray for safety pray for our sweet Abbi's heart, but also pray that daily you can release the paint brush to the grand artist so He can create a beautiful masterpiece in your life! What is He asking you to release so that your life is not just good but beautiful!
I leave you with this...Come Alive friends! God has something amazing for us if we will just Rise!?

Come Alive (Dry Bones)

And just like He promises...He will provide! We have all we need to bring Abbi home!!

In the meantime check out these cuties who so need mamas of their own!!!

Jacob


"Ramona"

Please ask me how you can help them find forever!!!

The Big Deal!!!!!!!!! Wrapping up Our Fundraising!

Okay folks! Like I said we are wrapping up our fundraising efforts for Abbi, with two last BIG fundraisers!!!!!!

Our first BIG DEAL is a raffle to win an American Girl Bitty baby! This baby has dark brown hair, brown almond shaped eyes and fair skin. The Bitty Baby retails for $60 and was given to us to help bring home Abbi, from a dear friend who got to meet Abbi while she was bringing home her own sweet girl from Abbi's orphanage!

Each ticket will be $5!!!! For every $5 you donate, your chances to win this sweet baby doll increase! If your girl has been wanting an American Girl doll here is a great chance to get one for much cheaper and help us bring home Abbi!!!!




GO HERE TO DONATE

Raffle starts MAY 27th and ends June 2nd!!!

All right folks! Let the fun begin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JUNE is prayerfully Abbi month!!!!!!!!!!! EEKKKK!!!! So in honor of our gotcha day drawing closer...I leave you with this video...the reason we do what we do to bring these kids home! :) ENJOY!



PS...We do still have some of our shirts left over for sale... $20 plus $5 shipping (use paypal button above! Sorry all out of adult Medium, but feel free to inquire about what is left over!)

And my daughter Emma is still selling her Rainbow Loom bracelets to help her fund her trip to go meet and help with Abbi!!! Each bracelet is $5! Use paypal button above, make sure to let me know if the money is for a raffle ticket or for a bracelet!  GO HERE for designs >>  His Grand Design

ENJOY <3

Update, Updates and Even More Updates!

Hi there! For those of you who have not heard the latest on our current adoption or our Miss Nina...here we go!

Nina getting ready to go into school!

As for Nina, she just had three appointments last Tuesday. Dermatologist was uneventful, if you do not know much about TSC small bumps frequently show up on the face and they prescribe a cream to help take them away. They say with TS generally they do come back, this just helps to keep them away. Her Neurologist was a slight success as we were pumped that we managed to keep her BP down with just a no salt diet as oppose to giving her the BP medicine they prescribed, but they found traces of blood in her urine which could be from the medicine she is on for her seizures, which could be effecting her liver, or could be a fluke...who knows. On to her neurologist...well...that was a harder appointment. They said basically Nina just has a lot of seizures all over. Their hope post surgery, what they see in a majority of their TSC kids, is that the seizures are much more controlled. As she explained it, "we shut down the one seizure, and the other spots are stepping up to take the crown". The last big seizure she has was caused by a tumor on her right frontal lobe, behind the one they removed, unfortunately that one can not be touched to do the fact that it is in her motor cortex. So if medicine never shuts it down, we could see those kinds of seizures again. She says her and her associates stare at Nina's scans for hours just baffled at the out come post surgery. In her words, "one of the toughest TS cases we have!" So right now the good news is no surgery for awhile and no five day VEEG's scheduled! We can just live and pray that between the medicines and life, things will settle down in her brain! So far that has not happened, but I know my God is BIG and I know my God has a plan in her life and in ours! He is NOT done writing her story!!! Nina brings so much joy where ever she goes! As soon as she saw her neurologist come in the door she hopped off of my lap and into her doctors arms! Which I can tell you, as sweet and lovable as Nina is, she does not usually just love on everyone.
Aside from all that, the most baffling thing is how much Nina's personality is changing! After surgery she regressed back to about an 18 month old! After changing up her medicines and her last Veeg something starting happening. I may have mentioned in my last post that I had all the sudden become her new favorite and she was not a fan of Josh, that is slowly starting to level out a little more. She still seems to prefer me, but he is a very close second! She seems to have come full circle to the girl she was when we first adopted her! She is a sweet, lovable, but VERY stubborn girl! If she does not want to do it she has no problem standing her ground! No more chances for the other kids to take a toy and she just takes it like she has been doing since her surgery, now she will yank it right back! When Nina came home she LOVED to dance and sing! Since the surgery, she stopped dancing and did not seem to be able to remember any songs we sang! Now you can just see it all over her face when we play songs she used to love, that she remembers them! She was even humming one the other day out of the blue!! She has even said a few Mandarin phrases she said when we first brought her home, that she has not said in a looong time! And she just started saying a few phrases she could say pre-surgery. The brain is a fascinating thing! Though we see some of the negative orphanage behavior again, which I am not going to lie has been HARD to see again, it is also SO encouraging to know she is coming back to us! We got her far once we had her home and together we can DO IT AGAIN!

A picture from a mama who met our Abbi last month!

As far as our adoption...we hit more roadblocks than I even care to imagine! BUT, if nothing else goes wrong (which I am learning to never say never HA!) we should be bailing our sweet Abbi out the end of June!!!!!! The orphanage still has yet to take her to the doctors to find out what is going on with her seizures,,,but sadly,,,she is an orphan...why would they. Any how we are ready for her! And Nina's awesome Epilepsy team is already to meet her when she is home!
Since we are so close to the end we will be wrapping up our fundraising with two more awesome events on facebook! So be on the look out for a new post coming up soon with all of the details! Here is a little HINT...if you have girls you will LOVE our Raffle!!! If you are planning a relaxing vacation for the fall we on the look out for our FANTASTIC  AUCTION!  Both Events will take place HERE! >>>> AUCTION FOR ABBI!!!!
Both gifts were given for us to giveaway from other amazing adoption mamas! I am amazed how God brings people in your path when you are willing to say to His journey! A front row seat to His amazing works!!!
Thank you all for your love and support through our journey! I can NOT wait to shout we have Travel Approval and can race to bring home our Abbi!!!!

Hanging with my littles...minus Abbi!

Come on! How can you not love these two! Crazy but SO FUN!

My crew plus my beautiful niece for Easter!

Nina's last Veeg

Our family bringing awareness to TSC!!!

Shaken To the Core

         Looking back at all the greats in the Bible, I think of the beginning of each of their journeys. The moments God spoke. That moment Moses was asked to lead his people from Egypt, the moment David said "I'll defeat the giant", when God gave Jonah his marching orders and told Noah to build an ark because rain is coming. All of them seemed to  handle their first reactions differently. David seemed fearless, Moses gave excuses, Jonah ran, Noah said let's do this. But ALL moved. All of them changed the course of history in their willingness to finally put themselves aside and follow Gods calling. But I have a feeling everyone of them wrestled with great fear doubt and insecurity of some kind when actually facing their foes.
 
         Last Saturday while I got out with some ladies Nina started seizing. Not unusual for her, but this one was different for her. It was continual and even after rescue medicine, Josh could not get it to stop. He called 911 and through texts and a phone call with me, my friends and I made our way back home. My mom took our kids while my husband traveled with her by ambulance to the emergency room where she was later transferred to her hospital in Orlando. She had already been scheduled for a 5 day VEEG on Monday so they just hooked her up a few days early to be monitored. I drove up the next day with the kids and Josh and I traded places. On Monday her doctor came in, sure that because of the video Josh captured of her seizure, she would have surgery very soon to remove the tumor on the right temporal lobe that they had decided during the last surgery, not to remove. The news was hard to hear, but we both had a good feeling this was going to be their suggestion.

         On Tuesday, after a few big seizures, that I had not seen from her before, the doctor came in with a look on his face that made my stomach turn. Mind you, this doctor is a very nice, but very professional, doesn't wear his feelings on his sleeve, no non-sense, sort of doctor. He told us that all the activity they are seeing now is coming from the left side. He said I really want to see the seizure that she had Saturday before I feel comfortable making any kind of plan. This was so so hard to hear. Basically, she has a lot of serious activity coming from the left, and the right temporal lobe.

        On this same day, a family who was visiting Abbi's orphanage was able to meet our sweet girl. The mama posted pictures for me and said, hope you are ready for this sweet girl, she was a ball of energy and everywhere and wanted to be held by everyone! Haha, well she will fit right in, I thought. Then her husband texted me. His text said, "I don't know if you got this information yet, but the nanny informed us that she was given a new diagnoses at the beginning of the month." I braced myself as I prayed a silent quick prayer while the next text came in. "Dear Lord please do not let Epilepsy!" Then the text came through..."she is on medication for Epilepsy but it is not controlled yet."

         I felt like my brain was spinning and I thought I must be dreaming. Do not get me wrong friends. I LOVE my Nina! Despite all the hard days, her dad and I will ALWAYS fight till we are in the grave for her and we DO NOT regret bringing her and Isac home and still believe without doubt this was the journey God called us too. But wresting Epilepsy is HARD! Any mom with a child who has special needs will tell you, life is a dance and your dance looks off beat and awkward and you know you are standing out in the crowd and your dance costumes do not look the same, your beat is different, even the frequency of your dance is sporadic, often times you have to sit many of those dances out and watch from the side lines. Nina can not be outside for really any length of time before the heat starts setting off seizures, I will never be able to leave her with someone and not have my brain constantly wondering if she will have a seizure without me there. And if I am completely honest, I fear one of these days she could have one so big that they can not be stopped. Some of me felt frustrated and honestly a little angry. "Lord Abbi was suppose to be my easy yes!" (Is there any such thing?!?! HA!) "I know sign language, we can get her the help she needs, teach her to love and trust and continue to fight Nina's epilepsy! Two Lord?! Do you see us?! Do you see the guilt I have every time we have to juggle leaving our kids to take Nina to the hospital for surgeries and hospital tests and doctor appointments?! I lose enough sleep over Nina and her seizures!" Now I know I may be getting ahead of myself. I know we do not fully know how severe Abbi's epilepsy is, or if it will be a lifetime battle like Nina's. But in the moment after reeling from Nina's news, I was TERRIFIED!!!!

     Fast forward to Thursday he told us his plan right now is to change her meds up, and hope it calms the left side of her brain down and then take the right temporal in a few months. If that does not work, if neither the right or left slow down, well, we will talk about that when that time comes.

      On Wednesday I was listening to music and heard the song If You Want Me Too by Ginny Owens. The words really struck me and I knew God Himself had used the song to speak to me.

The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear

And I don't know the reason why You brought me here

But just because You love me the way that You do

I'm gonna walk through the valley if You want me to

'Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step

And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet

So if all of these trials bring me closer to You

Then I will go through the fire if You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen

When You lead me through a world that's not my home

But You never said it would be easy

You only said I'd never go alone

Picture from a mom who visited Abbi last week.

    These words breathed life into my soul as the struggle and fear that I imagined David, Noah, Moses and Jonah wrestled with when God told them to keep moving forward, fought to take over my heart. I know God has grown me so much through the journey with Nina and Isac. It has made me a better friend, parent and wife. It has drawn me closer to Him and made me learn to rely solely on Him for strength that I can not draw from any where else. I went to church this morning waiting and hoping for music that would meet me in my fear and sort of put a band-aid on my fearful heart. But God knew what I needed. Instead the music was completely geared to our God and HIS glory. My eyes were turned more to focus on the sweet baby girl sitting in an orphanage hundred of miles away. A child who lifts her arms waiting for someone to hold her and tell her she is loved and wanted. A child now battling a disorder that is taking away even more of the little control that she has in her life and usually is very frightening to even adults who battle them. And my heart aches to race to China to hold her through each and every one!

Picture from a mama who visited Abbi a few months ago.

    Pray with me that the medicine they are giving her starts easing her seizures, that the orphanage will take her to the doctors soon like they said they would to get us more information about what is going on and that we are able to raise all of our funds so that we can RACE to get her!

      I will add on a bright note, the neurologist is 100% convinced that Nina's regression has nothing to do with the surgery and is behavioral. Which is so fantastic news because that means with a lot of therapy, we can get it back! We have a feeling it is Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Let's face it, leaving the only rooms, bed, smells, people and country she has ever known, traveling miles to a place she has never seen with people she doesn't know, facing three surgeries and days and days in a hospital and doctors appointments. It can really mess with a person, especially one so young. Now the fight is going to be to get an actual diagnosis so we can get her the therapies she needs. So if anyone knows any good Christian child psychologist who has experience with a child who is adopted internationally (not asking too much right?) please let me know!

           Thank you for partnering with us in prayer, financially and support in getting our Abbi home and getting our Nina better!

Don't forget to check out Emma's bracelet fundraiser to help get her to China!!! Emma's Chance

Picture of Isac and Levi :)

       

Emma's Chance

So as we are getting closer to travel to get our Abbi (YAYAYAYAYAYAYA!!!!), we are trying to arrange our travel plans.
I totally missed updating you beautiful peeps with the information that China has given us the Letter of Approval to adopt our Abbi Grace Qin Noll!!! WOOO HOOOO!!!!!
While thinking over our plans, we came to the conclusion that Josh and I can't both travel this time. :( We just are not ready to leave Nina without one of us, due to her seizures still be so bad and bringing her, we are afraid, would increase her seizures due to stress. So I am traveling with my sister in law!!!
But Josh and I thought  Abbi might fare better with a sibling being with her. We already knew Anna did not like the idea of the looong plane ride (who can blame her!) and Emma had already been asking us over and over, sooo we told Emma if she worked hard to earn her way for her trip, then she could come with me!
She has already applied for a grant that another AP's son (who is planning on traveling very soon) started, to help kids go on their trip to meet their new sibling! We haven't heard back yet, but when Josh asked Emma to really think about why she wanted to go for the application, the girl was in tears! She said she just really missed her sister! (If you have adopted before or are in the process you understand how one can miss someone they have never met! Well kids aren't exempt from those feelings! :))

Soooooo....Emma really wanted to make and sell all kinds of Rainbow loom bracelets to travel to China! So without further ado....here are a few of her creations!!!!

                                    *Other creations will be listed on Facebook on our His Grand Design Page

Thank you So much for helping our Emma meet her sister and experience where her siblings are from!


***UPDATE: My mom gave Emma a few things to make some other bracelets so Emma is busy making both! :) Check out the site above for all of the options!!!!!