Only A Season

HEEEELLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! How have you all been? Pull up a chair and grab a cup of Joe as I fill you in on the ride I have been on, don't worry, I'll wait...Ready? Where do I begin. Well I know I probably set you up for a wild couple of weeks but the only ride that has been going on is the ride I sat myself down on and took off with. I have just really been a roller-coaster of up and down. You would might think I was actually pregnant the way I have been acting...but I PROMISE, I am not. I have been starting my day by getting out of bed and praying, having time with God, and saying, "okay God, we got this! I can make it through the day without checking my email every five minutes (okay so maybe in less time, but that's our little secret), seeing nothing, *deep-breath in, reminding myself it's only 6am, my social worker doesn't even get in her office til 12pm my time, find something to occupy myself (did I tell you i have four kids under 8 all that are home schooled with me all day-yeah finding things to occupy myself aren't that hard),think about our BIG fundraiser and what I need to do to plan it, get over-whelmed and FREAK OUT, calm down, check my email, cry (literally) because it is 6:05a AND STILL NO EMAIL!, will this email ever come?!?!?!, and end the day sad that I got nothing, and dissapointed in my lack of patience and faith that it will happen in God's time. This email that I was waiting for was an update that we were DTC. What does this mean, that our paperwork would finally be going off to China and thus START our process. YES I SAID START!!! Ugh. This step isn't necessarily suppose to take so long, DC offices were closed due to bad weather, holding up my papers from getting back to my agency. OR it could have been God waiting for me to grow up and get a handle of myself. One day I had had enough. I have never ever been the "angry at God type". I mean, (and I think I've said it before), but a lot of the times bad things happen, if we really examine them, we somewhere a long the line, did it to ourselves, not all of the time, but some of the time. And Josh and I 100% jumped into this process feeling like it was God and ONLY GOD asking us to leap forward with HIS plan. SO as I sat in my living room with all my kiddos asleep, folding TONS and I mean TONS of laundry, I cried. Big ugly cry. Why would God call people to this. I have now fallen in love with this little girl all the way around the world, who I could not comfort, feed, clothe or protect! And on top of it all, I'm at the MERCY of all those who are working on our papers, from the mailman, to the lady in the government office to the people in China! How fair is that, on a mom of four other children I need to put my attention on. I cried, I begged, I pleaded and I asked why me, who am I to do this? I do not plan big fundraisers, I don't understand looong grant and adoption applications, I AM NOT patient...yeah you would think I was dying of cancer (I told you I could be dramatic), but honestly my heart was breaking. I felt like Jacob in Genesis 32:24 when he wrestled God and met Him face to face. But through all of the questions, I heard a still small voice again, God telling me, "why not you? Did I not make you to be the one who I would ask to step out? I choose you because I trusted you to step forward. And I choose you because you CAN'T do it on your own, only through and with Me. Something changed in me after I got all of that out. Like a peace staring me in the face, and written on my heart, that I am not alone in this. Somewhere a long the way, I had started making this my idea, and was getting frustrated with the fact that other people controlled my timeline, my answers and my adoption, when really, it was His idea, and HE controls and has always controlled all of those things. From the weather to the lady in charge of my case who is out because of the flu, I DON'T CONTROL ANY OF IT! And you know what, the next day in my email I got an email from my lovely and wonderful social worker asking, "how would you feel being DTC today?!" Ohhhh don't mind at all if I do! :) To end my great, or not so great week, depending on how you look at it, in church this morning the message was on realizing that all of our minutes, all of our hours, allll of our days, both good and bad, are numbered. There is not ONE bad or good situation that we go through in life that will last forever. But we ARE accountable to how we live in those moments. So I will try my very best to remember in those hard times, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:" Ecclesiastes 3:1 Wait! Don't go yet! I want to tell you about our up coming fundraiser on April 13th! I Scream for Nina; Ice Cream Social to Bring Nina home!!! :) Doors open at 6p and we will have the group FourFifths playing! If you missed it last time I posted it, here is a sample of them. They are fantastic! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IB-lKLMAnKk
We will also be doing a Chinese auction!!! If you or anyone you know makes anything that can be made in a little basket, or has gift-card, or connections to something we may be able to auction off, PLEASE let me know! :) Okay-now you can go take that nap :) Have a great week you all!!! LOVE